Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Fear vs innocense

I decided to name my blog fearless and laughing for many reasons. Both are things I think are important to remember to incorporate in your life on a daily basis...when you attempt to face things fearlessly and with laughter they can seem alot more manageable. Also, fear is something that has been in and out of my life for awhile, something i have struggled with on many occasions...and i am sure i am not the only one.

I read alot...I read many types of books, but the ones that really catch my soul are the ones that offer advise about life, advice you normally wouldn't think twice about. One such book is called Fearless Loving by Rhonda Britton. She talks about how much fear can play a negative role in our lives if we let it. In her words,

"Fear makes us cling to the familiar and build evidence against the new, the daring, and the different."

Think about it...how many times have you approached a situation that is similar to a previous one you may have had? Just because one friend may have stabbed you in the back, or if one boyfriend cheated on you, or even if one bartender was rude...that doesn't mean all of them will do the same thing. So, putting your guard up and assuming the same things will happen to you...well that is just silly and full of fear. You cling to what you know, and build evidence against what you don't because that is easier. It all goes along with the same thoughts as:

"Two roads diverged in the woods, and I, I took the one less traveled by and that has made all the difference" and...

"Some people think it is holding that makes us strong...sometimes it's letting go..."

"To get something you never had, you need to do something you never did"

Fear can rule our lives, I know I have let it rule mine on some days...and even some years! One thing I did learn from this book is to approach every person as if they are innocent. I tend to over think and over analyze EVERYTHING. "What does he mean when he says that? "That girl must not like me because of the way she just said that"...and so on. It all seems innocent, but it can drive a person crazy...I think these things because it is easier to stick with my fear...to keep my guard up, to not get hurt.

If I assume the worst than I am ready for the worst.

Wow...I honestly don't know where I just pulled that last sentence from. That is an example of how writing on here can be my own form of therapy. How sad for me, or anyone to go around assuming the worst just so they can't ever be hurt again. If you look at every person like they are innocent then it could leave the floor open for them to actually be innocent. They probably don't have the intention to hurt you...so give people a chance, I need to give people the chance to be everything I wish they could be not everything i assume they are.

Try it with me...does this post even make sense?

Fearless can equal happiness and more laughter. Assume the best in every person rather than building up your walls with excuses and maybe you will be pleasantly surprised. Dive head first in to life and life may just surprise you...now i must run along and take my own advise :)



Monday, June 20, 2011

Choices...

Life is all about choices...Sometimes you don't even know you have a choice, but you always do.

I was reminded of this yesterday when I went home to celebrate Father's Day and got to sit down with my family and my grandparents. Reminiscing on stories of how my grandparents met, how they made their way through this world, how they managed to have 13 children...2 deaths, many injuries, a ton of laughter and still manage to be celebrating 60 years of marriage holding hands and with respect and love for one another.

It was with listening to them talk I was made to remember that life is made up of millions of tiny little choices...every second you are faced with so many. It can be as simple as "should i wear the red shirt or blue shirt?" right on down to "should i let past mistakes and heartaches cause me to be fearful of things, or should i learn from them and grow?" Talking with my grandparents I realized just how true this is.

They made a choice every single day to love each other, they made a choice every single day to provide for their children..to create a family that was built on kindness, hard work, love, and faith. Looking back they would tell you they didn't even realize they were making those choices, and they would tell you they weren't always easy ones. And they still make choices that shape who they are...they choose to maintain strong relationships with their children. They choose to keep their faith a top priority, they choose to remain VERY active and present in their lives even if they are in their 80's. They basically choose to laugh in the face of age and continue on as if they were 20!

I guess my point in all of this is that when you take it down to simply saying..."I have a choice", life seems a little more simple. I can choose to wake up every morning and be guarded and carry the weight of every past mistake and heartbreak on my shoulders, or I can wake up every morning and choose to be fearless...to laugh...to remember bad mistakes and heartbreak, but use them as lessons...I can choose to be happy.

If you get overwhelmed with all of the choices life might throw at you...if you get fearful because moving forward in life could bring you more hurt than you think you could ever handle...if you find yourself faced with death...if you loose your job...if you wake up and it seems you have nothing to get out of bed for...

Get up anyway, smile...look at all of the choices you have, and if they all seem like too much to handle, then let me make it simple: Choose happiness. Make the choices that leave you feeling happy, leave you feeling satisfied, leave you feeling at peace...They might not be the easier of the two choices, but in the end always choose happiness!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Single at 30...

I am not writing this post because I want people to feel sorry for me...I am going to write this post because it is something I think about alot. I am writing this because I want to describe what I feel so that I can breath and move on. I am writing this in hopes that other people feel this same way, or at least a little bit like me because then I am not really that alone in this...

I usually stay very positive in my life despite what life throws at me...at least i try REALLY hard to be. But sometimes I have my days and today is one of them, days where things seem to move in slow motion...days where I start to really think and focus on things in my life I normally push to the side. I am never sure what sparks these days, but i think most people have them and so today is my day to think extra hard about my life...and with that comes the ever weighting fact that I am 30 and single.

I would like to tell you how it feels to be 30 and single: I can only speak for myself and the life and path that I have been on...Most days I wake up, go for a jog downtown and really try to focus on myself...listen to music and think about my day, my work, what i am going to do for the weekend, what I am going to make for myself for dinner..you know all the normal day to day things a single person might think about. Most days I go through my life and try to remember all of the words and sayings I study to remain positive. I love the freedom of being single; if i want to go to a movie 5 minutes before it starts,I can. If i want to make pancakes for dinner, i dont have anyone to please but myself. if i want to drive home to visit my parents, or take a jog late at night, or go to bed hours earlier than normal...I can because it is just me. Most of the time I enjoy having this freedom. But, and there is always a but...there are many days and moments when i am smacked in the face with the life I thought i would be living at 30.

It is the moments when I ask my friend to meet me for a drink but she has to find a babysitter and see what her husband is doing first...she has more people than just herself to worry about. It is the times when I want to go to the park and watch a band and there is no one to go with me. It is the times when I am running a half marathon and catch a glimpse of a women that is about my age about to finish the race of her life and then I see her VERY proud husband and daughter on his shoulders cheering soooo loud for the women they couldnt make it without. It is the times when I actually make it to church on Sunday and see the young couple quitely holding hands and praying and then realize when they turn around to offer me a gesture of peace that the wife is pregnant and radiating with happiness as is her husband. It's the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve when I have no one to kiss, it is the moment at the pool when someone see's me casually reading a book and they comment as they are trying to catch their adorable kids while jumping in to the pool "i remember when I could lay around the pool and read...enjoy it while you can"

I do enjoy it...I enjoy all of the moments I get by myself, and I know this sounds alot like a pity party for me...but when you watch people living the life you always dreamed for yourself it gets hard. To be 30 and single you start to wonder if you will ever find the "right" person. You go to bars and start realizing you are the oldest person at the bar...you notice most people have wedding rings on...you start hearing your biological clock ticking VERY loud. Single at 30...you look at your friends and try and retrace their footsteps...how did they end up with a wonderful husband and a super cute kid. Of course, you are happy for these people...I would never change any of their lives to improve mine...but you wonder what you did wrong. If you have parents like mine, you think about where they were at your age...married with several kids and a life, a family. Then you think about yourself again and suddenly you would love to not be able to go to that movie last minute. You would love to have to worry about someone other than yourself when deciding what to cook for dinner. You would love to stay up late because your child wants one more story read to them.

I want more...I know you have to love yourself before you can love another person. I know that, and I have made that mistake...you can't look to a relationship to bring you happiness, you need to find it within yourself. Well I have..I have had plenty of time to really examine myself, really find what makes ME happy. I want more! I want more! I want more! That terrifies and excites me all at the same time. Putting myself out there at 30 is terrifying because what if the next time fails too...then I could be 35 and single...then what?

I guess i have learned life will go on...I can make it as a single person. There are things I enjoy so much about being single, but when it comes right down to it i love my family...all of them, and I cannot imagine my life without a family of my own. So then i come full circle...remain positive, stay positive, it will happen when it happens. It's just, i want it to happen now...

Anyone else with me?

Monday, June 6, 2011

What haven't I been up to is the real question...

I have been sooo busy the last couple of weeks and have obviously neglected my blog yet again. There is good reason because I have been doing some pretty fun things. My brief concert extravaganza came to a temporary end for now (NKOTBSB is still happening!!) I did get to see Zac Brown Band and LOVED it before my concert break occurred. So anyways, I participated in the Columbus Crawl for Cancer and had sooo much fun. It was amazing the amount of people that came out for this event! It was really great to see so many people out and about in the downtown area all in the name of finding a cure for cancer. Of course, the fact that there was beer involved probably motivated some people, but either way we had a blast! It is sad to say that I most likely don't know a single person that hasn't been directly affected by cancer so raising money to help with research was a no brainer. Note to self: next time we must have better outfits...some people were insane with their crazy costumes, we for sure need to bring it!


As if that was enough excitement I also competed in the Warrior Dash. I found this event on the Internet months ago and somehow conned some people into doing it with me. We dressed up in hilarious outfits...jorts, cut off flannels, and American flag bandannas and gave it hell! SO MUCH FUN:) I'm not sure what was more fun... the actual race or the getting ready for the race! Either way, doing stupid and random things with friends and family is one of my favorite past times and I don't plan on slowing down any time soon. Next stop...Park Street Fest this weekend; 17th floor here we come (they are an awesome and stupidly fun band that take me back to my college days)


I hope you guys are enjoying your days and weekends as much as I have been...stay tuned for more ridiculous adventures!